-
adult children
Post: 33
Location: ----
adult children
28 Feb, 2012 9:13 a.m.
I have two older brothers - one might never move out of the family house due to financial issues, and the other has already staked claim to taking over the house when the parents are gone (we'll see how that goes). Anyway, I am the youngest, by many years, not to mention the only girl, and my parents have having trouble with me moving out, or worse moving off Long Island. Aside from financial independence, when is it a good time for people to move out of their family home and does anyone have any advice for dealing with my parents??
Post: 12
Location: ----
Re:adult children
01 Mar, 2012 11:14 a.m.
The best time is simply when you feel ready. If your parents take issue with your wanting to be independent that prove to them that you are responsible and can take care of yourself. If they still can't deal, well, just do it. Move out. Take care of yourself and then what more proof will they need that you are a capable young woman? Once gone, do your best to check in with them to quell their fears. Let them know you're doing fine and they needn't worry. I hope this helps.
Post: 6
Location: ----
Re:adult children
06 Mar, 2012 11:02 p.m.
The timing behind a move is so subjective and is based upon so many factors that attempting to generalize or give a “one size fits all” answer is impossible. There are a few things to carefully look at (and be completely honest about) though: First, check your motivation. Why are you moving out? Are you trying to escape from a problem or relational issue that working on would serve to make you a stronger, wiser, more mature young woman that is, ultimately, far better equipped to face the world? Is your primary motivation the excitement of change and being on your own? Although making major life changes always involves the thrill and excitement of anticipating the future, these feelings should accompany but never be the motivation for moving forward. On the other hand, does codependence play into the reason why you are not moving out? Sometimes we relate to the people we love in unhealthy ways. Our “normal” becomes satisfying them and making sure they are happy at the expense of our own emotional and mental well being. We must place healthy boundaries around our decisions making sure that unhealthy or inordinate attachments are not hindering us from moving forward with our lives.
Ultimately, living in caring, mature, responsible ways before you move out, will give your parents more confidence to give you wings and support your move—and strong, stable relationships with our closest family members, when they are possible, will serve us well for a lifetime.
Ultimately, living in caring, mature, responsible ways before you move out, will give your parents more confidence to give you wings and support your move—and strong, stable relationships with our closest family members, when they are possible, will serve us well for a lifetime.
Post: 33
Location: ----
Re:adult children
07 Mar, 2012 6:07 p.m.
Thanks for all the advice, everyone. The motivation is several fold. First, my boyfriend of four years is about to enter an industry that is for the most part non-existant on Long Island - sustainable forestry consultation and management. Also - my field, public history, doesn't offer much in the way of solid and lasting full time employment on the island. But there is also the element of wanting to be independent. Unlike my brothers I spent 5 and a half years in college completing my BA and MA back to back - during that time I only spent breaks at home because I studied in Albany. I had several major scholarships that covered tuition and my parents covered every other expense besides books and my social life. Now that I am able to be a full time employee instead of just a full time student, I want to have the life I toiled nearly 6 years in college for. So I also want the peace of mind that I can in fact support myself and an adult lifestyle, and move forward with my relationship with my boyfriend. I have sort of spent the past 6 years living an independent lifestyle, but because they financially supported me, they still pressure me into being home for certain lengths of time, or guilt trip me over various choices that I make, and I can assure you these things are as petty as where I have my oil changed. So, I am also escaping to some extent. Living at home suits my brothers because my parents have always been more laid back with them, and they enjoy not paying rent or utilities. But I've had a taste of real adulthood.
Thanks again for all the advice. Hopefully someone else in my shoes will be able to take it to heart as well!
Thanks again for all the advice. Hopefully someone else in my shoes will be able to take it to heart as well!
Post: 6
Location: ----
Re:adult children
08 Mar, 2012 12:12 p.m.
You sound like a responsible, mature young woman; and I wish you all very the best!
- Things To Do
- Places To Go
- Events
- Museums
- Vineyards
- Restaurants
- Nightlife
- Beaches
Copyright © 1996-2017 LongIsland.com & Long Island Media, Inc. All rights reserved.