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If life is like a box of Chocolates, how come I keep getting the ones with Nuggett?

LongIsland.com

So here it is, my first official 'Singles Expert' column. Funny thing is I've written on this topic many a times as the Nightlife Expert. Only this time, I get the cool Officialness of being ...

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So here it is, my first official 'Singles Expert' column. Funny thing is I've written on this topic many a times as the Nightlife Expert. Only this time, I get the cool Officialness of being the real expert. And the fact that i've been single with 2 relationships in my entire life that were more than High School level - certainly qualifies me in my opinion. Its sad when you can count your relationships on one hand and need to go to your toes to continue counting your sexual partners.....

But lately though I've been questioning if one can truly be an 'Expert' when it comes to being single. I mean, most women in the late Nineties and up until about 2 months ago, turned to Carrie Bradshaw and the women of 'Sex and the City' to see how to handle real life situations about Men, work and friendship. And though I enjoyed the show, and have friends who are fanatical about it, I wonder if its very realistic at all - atleast for the vast majority of us.

I have learned that for me one of the 'Average' women of America - you know the ones who don't wear a size 4 and under, and the ones who have curves and sassiness and are just as normal as the Tomboy that men grew up with in their neighborhood, its harder than it should be.

Men always proclaim "women have it the easiest - if you want to get laid you will" and its SO WRONG! Men always have the final say. And most men in America are picky. And I've also witnessed guy friends actually take home an uglier 'skinny girl' instead of a nicer 'big girl' just so they could not have to suffer whatever humiliation it is guys give to one another for sleeping with bigger women.

And women are just as picky, I won't lie. I personally have a preference as to which type of guy I like. And most of the times I am out and in a bar setting or even a club setting, I have no problem talking to them - and I enjoy it even more when I know they're not paying attention. But it seems that all we're left with is Games.

And I hate games. They're absolutely ridiculous, but apparently a necessary evil when it comes to dating. But I mean why give your number to someone and have it be fake, or why take a number from someone and never call? Its silly and childish, but I guess its part of life.

The thing that irks me the most though is the "Friendship" line. You know the one where you've been hanging out with someone for a while and either you've had a friendship before you got physical or have built one while getting physical, and when you bring up the possibility of more - or even if someone brings it up to you, and your answer is as textbook as they come - "I think we're better off as friends."

I mean, seriously - who thought of that? Although another personal favorite of mine - same concept, different style is the "Its not you, its me..." line. And normally after the "its me" part the person throws in something like "I've just been going through a lot lately and I don't want to hurt you or ruin our friendship" or "I have had a lot on my mind and I've been talking to my ex lately and I don't think its fair to you to get you involved in that"

Its more comical than the friendship lines because, well the person actually tries to make themselves look like a breathe of fresh air to humanity as if they are saving you from getting hurt. It always make me giggle. Its just ruthless...

So thats my rant of the week. I'll have plenty more about why men are ridculous, and why women are so catty, but I guess my disgust with games and what not could be a good jump-off point. Email me with any questions about ANYTHING and i'll be sure to answer them.