It is not a coincidence that many people wind up marrying or having long term relationship with people who they met in high school, college, at work, through organizational activities, through church or other religious institutions, through circle of family-friends, etc. What do all of these have in common? The individuals had the time to get to know each other without the pressures of dating. Many will tell you that they did not like each other at first. There was no chemistry, and often there was outright antagonism. What happened? And what can we learn from these very universal experiences?
What is your approach to dating? Are you having FUN?! Meeting lots of interesting people? Learning about yourself and relationships?
If you're not doing any of these, especially not having fun - you're either
1. starting the dating too early in the relationship,
2. have a mistaken notion of the purpose of dating, or
3. you're too hurt and need to heal and gain a healthier perspective,
1. A date, if it comes too early in the relationship is just a bad job interview. For most people it is pressure, evaluating and being evaluated, feeling you have this one shot to impress and be impressed. How can you enjoy a 'romantic evening' with someone you don't even know? "Should you kiss her, should I let him, should we see each other again, does it mean I'm interested," trying to capture everything you think you know - when in fact everyone can have one bad outing. You
really don't know much about this person, because normally on first dates people stay pretty superficial, and on the other hand are often on their best behavior to impress. Either way you need to 'collect' a lot more info before you attempt a YES or NO, unless it's a total turn-off. Pleasant is a keeper.
Keep meetings to day time, never an evening, go where two friends would go to talk. Don't let your need for a companion and love rush the process of getting to know someone. It isn't fair to you or to them.
If it's 2 then you just need some clarity and direction. As much as we all want the love relationships can offer us, and are disappointed when relationships don't work out, working under pressure incapacitates everyone.
So take the pressure off. Think of dating for what it is - practicing.
What makes great athletes, great actors, great employees is their desire and willingness to learn. Learning always implies a system, being critiqued, winning and losing, with the accompanying frustration and disappointment.
Practicing for Wimbledon, auditioning for B'way, interviewing for a great position is not easy either. What makes it much more bearable is that there is coaching and the system for tennis, acting and jobs/interviews. Each enterprise has a system you can learn and by following it, by getting some great coaching, great advice, the hopefuls know that ultimately there is a good chance they'll achieve their goals.
That is what is missing in relationships. A system. No one has a system they can teach you, so you can keep getting better.
The part you need to bring to the game is the willingness to enjoy practicing. Michael Jordan practiced after everyone went home. So did Barbra Streisand. So does every winner. You're a winner - practice. Dating is practice.
Practice;..caring about strangers you just met...saying what you truly feel..... listening rather than talking.......not taking yourself so seriously....
People are really lovely inside - just like you are. No Different. If we let them shine. If we put away our protective gear. You can learn to bring out the best in a person. And allow the best to shine in you.
Members of the opposite sex are all hoping to meet a real human being, someone nice, someone that cares, and that's you. You can have people eating out of your hand - just appreciate them a little.
JustSayYesToLove.com is a website being built and tested right now. They have a system you can learn which helps you constantly improve. If you really want to take the mystery out of relationships and dating check them out.