So this past weekend started out exactly like I planned. A concert Friday night and then the bar. Unfortunately the bar is where it all unravelled.
I went with friends of mine. A guy that I had a liking of for quite some time was there as well. I had picked him and his friend up to come and hang cause this boy and I have become pretty good friends over the past couple of months. Then the inevitable happened...we mixed friendship and sex. Now normally I'll chalk it up to just a mistake but this time it was different. This time I got involved with someone who has become a really good friend and who I cared about.
We were both drunk, and both knew that it couldn't happen - and if it did, it could only be a one night thing. I thought I'd be fine with it but the next morning I panicked. I left the house before he woke up and went home and sat in my apartment contemplating what it is that makes me act this way. That coupled with the fact that I thought I ruined one of the best friendships I've had with a guy in a long time - because it truely was a friendship - led me on a downward spiral.
If you're wondering why I'm sharing this its because I feel that there may be other guys and girls out there doing and going through the same things. Where you go out and party but the partying has become less about the fun of going out and drinking and more about the dwelling on the mistakes you made the night before from drinking. And this is a SERIOUS problem that young adults, adolescents, and adults all the same are experiencing.
Now, I'm not perfect and I've done a lot of stupid things and this weekend I came to a realization that I never would think I'd come to. I am an alcoholic.
And now only after this mistake I made on friday which then led me to drink heavily on saturday I've come to realize that I do have a problem. And the greatest thing about admitting it was that it lifted an incredible weight off of me. For the first time in a long time I felt like I was going in the right direction. And that was to me better than any feeling I have ever got from drinking.
Now onto the point of my column. Drinking is something we do. It's what young people do to go out and relieve stress, have a good time, whatever. But it can also be a problem when you can't control it anymore and it starts controlling you. You see a side of yourself you never knew you had - and didn't want to know you had either.
So the next time you're out and you get trashed and you wake up the next morning and you even for a second don't want to face yourself in the mirror - or face the people you were out with the night before think about how much you've been drinking and what it is drinking does for you. I'm not saying everyone should stop drinking - but I think that a lot of young people don't realize what a problem with alcohol could be.
And as for the guy - we're still friends and he's supporting me in my sobriety, and thinking about doing the same.