So there's this tradition that has seem to come about in the whole 'embrace your sexuality and own it' generation we are living in. People who don't either have the time or the want for the relationship - but like the physical part of it (aka - sex) that comes with it. Thus we have friends with 'benefits'.
Now i'm all for having a 'friend' but the problem is, where do you draw the line? For years its been documented by every man that I know that women are more emotional then men and more attached to sex and the intamacy of it then they are. Yet I know women who use men just as easily. Hell, i'm one of those women. So where does it all go wrong? It seems like such a fool proof plan - but that is where you're mistaken.
First of all, you end up connecting with that person on some level - whether it be a friendship, acquaintance or whatever. And from that you build some bond and some sort of relationship - because you build a trust with that person - but you are free to do what you want when you want, in theory. Sounds like a great deal, but once you throw other people in the mix- it all goes wrong.
Rarely in cases of 'F.W.B' do you end up in an ACTUAL relationship. But you'll get stuck in something that resembles it strongly enough that sometimes, you fool everyone, including yourself into thinking its real. Thats where everything goes downhill.
To say I've been in this situation before is an understatement of galactic proportions. My general "relationship" vault has been fill with tons of 'friends' but rarely any Boyfriends. And thats fine when your young and stupid but things change with age and time. Not necessarilly true with men, but as women we mature faster, its not our fault.
But it does have its benefits, so to speak. Whether its due to the stress of life and work and time constraints these situations just work out better for some. So if you are going to partake in one here are some rules a 'F.W.B' and myself came up with...(very Seinfeld-esque)
1. NO CUDDLING. General chit chat and maybe some touchy feely afterwards to show your appreciation of what has occurred is cool, but keep it to 5 minutes or so...
2. SLEEPING OVER IS OPTIONAL. Yes its nice to sleep in a bed with another warm body but then cuddling becomes an issue. Its an intimate thing and therefore to avoid feelings being hurt or people being offended leave afterwards (a half hour is a good window...not too long, not to quick)
3. PHONE CALLS AREN'T NECESSARRY. A booty call is a booty call. Its part of the deal, but calling to talk for several minutes or hours, puts you in relationship land
4. BE HONEST. So you met someone new, you like them, you want to sleep with them, but you're not in a relationship - just let your 'friend' know (this id directed mostly towards men who feel they don't have to do such a thing)
5. KEEP IT SIMPLE. Don't get into too many details. Because when the need for this 'friend' is over with, you will find that, other then sex, you didn't really have much of a friendship to begin with so therefore avoid the messiness of it all and just keep knowledge and attachment to a bare minimum.
So those are the 5 we came up with. You know its sad but true that they actually work for some people I know. Though people have a way they do things, and sometimes it works best for them. And as always BE SAFE and use protection. Too much out there to worry about.
And now that Summer is coming I want to hear from YOU! I'm taking a poll for Hottest place to be this summer for Memorial Day weekend. As always Email me with questions, comments, rants and raves and i'll be sure to answer them all. Till next time....