We have powerful desires to belong and to connect with a special someone. We inherited a model for marriage and relationships that has remained largely unchanged for over 50 years. That traditional model was never intended to integrate our individual needs with the needs of the partnership. The traditional way promised physical and financial security, a sense of belonging, continuity and comfort. The old model has been deeply ingrained in all of us by watching our parents and grandparents.
The old rules don't work anymore! We cannot continue to depend on traditional, deeply ingrained beliefs, expectations and assumptions about relationships. We need to stop building the most important relationships of our lives on outdated beliefs, destructive myths, unrealistic expectations, faulty assumptions and un-negotiated roles and responsibilities.
Modern partners are concerned with:
Living their vision
Love of self
Deepening emotional intimacy
Having shared values
Commitment to living in authenticity
Willingness to honor the fires of passion that burn inside
Couples are demanding more intimacy and insisting on supporting each other to live their best "individual" life. At the same time, contemporary partners are committed to co-creating deeply meaningful relationships that provide:
Safe havens to be one's most vulnerable self
Open to the most sacred feelings shared with another
Connections defined by joy and the hopes of a future that will be a lasting testament of their love and commitment.
A big challenge for partners today in committing to another person is the potential loss of personal identity and giving up personal hopes and dreams. Those losses would have been a virtual certainty in the old model of marriage and relationships.
Not so today! Contemporary men and women are ready to honor their individual needs and create partnerships that honor their deeper selves; create committed, functional relationships that deepen their emotional intimacy, trust, love, and connection; and develop skills, rituals, and practices for deepening emotional, physical and spiritual connection with each other!
Only you can make it happen!
By Jackie Black, Ph.D.
The concepts of what people want is relatively easy to identify - just ask a few hundred people.
The real question becomes....
How do we find someone who is willing to support our individuality, while staying on track in their own life?
One way is to have the qualities we want in a partner clearly spelled out. Then we need to communicate those ideas to potential partners. We will find out forthwith whether someone is on the same page or not.