Why aren't you in a fantastic relationship? You could be.
Below is an e-mail I got today. It is like many others I get on a regular basis. It is from a good-looking, successful person, divorced, was in and out of many relationships, and was blaming men for the failures.
Dear Stefan,
I too want to report a success story. Thanks to you, my clarity in recognizing my relationship needs (via writing lists) lead me towards a man who is everything (and more) that I wanted in a mate. I would never have recognized that he was the right person had I not made my lists and with your help, learned from them.
At first I had "chemistry, looks, successful, money" on top. Then I realized that I always dated men like that and it never worked. When I put "nurturing, honest, a good communicator, etc." on top new people started to come into my life. When I 1st wrote the list I thought that I was asking for too much, and there was not a "perfect person" out there. Now I realize that he just has to be 'perfect' for me!
It is miraculous how having the lists started attracting different people to me, and me to different people.
I also have used the communication skills to express my needs. I now feel that I owe it to myself and the relationship to be upfront and honest. I feel that the relationship has a
better chance if my mate knows and understand my needs. The other unexpected benefit from communicating so openly is that a bond of mutual trust, and respect is being built.
I feel so much more in control, I understand exactly what is going on inside of me, and I am beginning to like myself and life much more.
Thank you for helping me to evolve.
Sincerely,
B.
What is the secret of having a fantastic relationship? It is certainly not 'finding the right person.'
Then what is it?
It is knowing how to create a fantastic relationship. We need to take the magic and the luck out of the equation.
Why should having a fantastic, nurturing, empowering relationship be the same as winning the Lotto? And yet that is the way people approach it. Especially those who have not been able to have the relationship they truly want.
Sure it's not your fault. That is actually the way society approaches relationships. Luck. If I go to a thousand places to meet people I am increasing my chances.
NO YOU ARE NOT.
The problem is not with being able to meet, or being around lot's and lot's of people. There are the bars, the clubs, single's organizations, every church, community center, has a single's group, there are hundreds of dating sites, personals, volunteer work, etc. etc.
The problem is much simpler. The solutions are much simpler.
Do you know what your relationship issues are? Are you clear about your ideas regarding the opposite sex? Are they positive or negative?
Are you clear about your ideas about relationships? Are they positive or negative? Are you clear about who you are? Do you have a great relationship with yourself?
It is interesting that we know with great certainty that to become a concert pianist we must take lessons and practice - we must know what we are doing and what it takes.
When it comes to relationships, on which a large part of our happiness depends, we haven't a clue regarding what to do or what it takes. Or that there is something that we can do!
You are meeting the 'right' person everyday, you just don't know it. You may not know what is really important to you, how to communicate it, how to receive the response, or that you truly deserve it. Self-sabotage in relationships is very common.
So will you continue to "Play The Lotto" or take some action and learn how you can have a fantastic relationship.