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Physical Intimacy in Marriage

Written by marriageenrichment  |  23. September 2003

Physical Intimacy and it's impact on Marriage We must acknowledge that we are all being way over- stimulated - even family TV shows, commercials, magazines, etc. are full of sexual material - young, good-looking people selling us everything under the sun, I believe that sex/intimacy, has become similar to many other things that people use to fill their emotional void with, like food, shopping, toys, sports, work, children etc. - instead of focusing on the fact that we're hurting - hurting because we don't love ourselves and we're not receiving unconditional love - the focus becomes how to have better intimacy and sex. We might be remembering how good it felt to be held by our parents, tickled, washed, kissed on out tummies - and then it all ended - except the need for it. Also, there are people who don't know what they're doing - I am sure we all need that soothing physical contact we had as children, and there are people who just are not very coordinated about sex - shy, not confident etc., who need some advice and help, but for most of us the issue is misplaced. I believe the most exciting, dynamic, loving, powerful stage of life is always ahead of us. Because once we developed our bodies and minds fully there is yet another part to be fully developed, which I believe offers the path to happiness, especially in marriages, and helps us resolve all issues, including intimacy. The problem is that most people don't know that as we develop this third part of us, complete fulfillment, again I believe, is possible in every area of life. Many people out there probably know what I mean about the third part of us - that we are not just body and mind - for those that aren't sure or disagree here are a couple of really good examples, proofs if you will: Intuition, gut feeling, a sixth sense? How many of you have ever had a feeling about something, a gut feeling, an intuition? Now the question we must ask ourselves is - what is the source of knowing something we don't have any information about - actually most of the time our 6th sense, our intuition seems to go against the information we have - telling us to do something or warning us not to - and as for me - I am almost always sorry I didn't listen to my intuition!! One of the strongest proofs that there is another part of us, besides body and mind, has to do with our need to give and receive LOVE. How many people have been in love and then something happened to the relationship and you no longer received the love you did before and no longer were able to give the love you wanted to? How do we feel when someone doesn't love us anymore? Or doesn't want our love? For me it's always very painful!!! Pain, which I feel all over - like my heart is breaking, I lose my appetite, I cry - a pain which doesn't seem to be located in any part of my body!!! We hurt but we don't visit a doctor - So what hurts? Something really hurts. I have experienced it - even when my daughter gets angry or says something unloving I hurt. Some people don't even think life is worth living when love stops.. Kay, there seems to be this part of us that needs LOVE to flourish, to be healthy, to survive. Our bodies and minds need air, food and water we believe the same part intuition comes from, needs Love the very same way. Having intuition and needing love point to something real -another part of us - most people call it Self, or Spirit or Being. This part of us that needs love, often thinks that physical love is the highest expression of that love, and it thinks that, because so much is made of withholding physical contact when we're young. Understandably - society doesn't want young people, who are not married and ready to take the responsibility for the results of having sex, to engage in it. So sexual intimacy gets to be the prize that married couples get - of course today many people don't wait - but still it is held up as the highest expression of one's love to another. So when problems develop in that area people get upset. Something very pleasurable and symbolic is missing in their life. They often turn to find it in another relationship - getting divorced and re-marrying or having an affair. But as far as we're concerned that's not the problem - the problem goes much deeper, to the core of our being - to who we are or have become - to what purpose marriage plays in our lives. Many of you may already be familiar with our point of view regarding the purpose of marriage - which if not attended to causes, we feel, most of the problems. We hold that people don't marry someone by coincidence - that the reason we pick our mate - even if we don't realize at the moment - is because they represent all our beliefs - good and bad - about marriage - the opposite sex - how we feel about ourselves - Many of these thoughts and belief cause deep-seated anxiety, anger, resentment, and fear, in us. We chose a partner who represents the best and the worst of all our beliefs - and we're hoping to work out with them the negative part - to come to realizations, to understandings, to forgiveness, and finally a new vision of ourselves, the opposite sex, and marriage - so we can create something consciously, not unconsciously. When we don't go through that awakening, that healing, and seize the opportunity to create a new vision - our Spirit experiences pain and disappointment - and often withdraws from the relationship - without necessarily leaving the marriage. That withdrawal, that silent acknowledgement that we have not gotten to love ourselves any more, becomes the cause of deterioration of the marriage - we blame the other person or ourselves - and problems in the area of intimacy and sex are the more obvious symptoms of the lack of healing and personal growth. Join us Tuesday, September 23rd as we explore this topic on 540AM Island Talk radio, from 7 - 8 pm on The Best Is Yet To Come, or log onto www.wlie.com.

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